I’m not an alcoholic. What is my flaw that I always return to?

 I’m reading the Csptive Mind by Czeslaw Milosz.  He writes in one chapter of the book about a poet names Delta who would always have drunken episodes. I’m not a slave enough to drink to always have drunken episodes.  But I do have strange destructive episodes fueled by resentment or a desire to cruelly contradictory.